How to be a Good Mother?
Being a mother is not like a cake recipe, but we saw the text below on a blog we love. We couldn’t resist sharing it with you. We are already doing the obvious of being a good mother, but what are the other things, more subtle, that makes all the difference in raising children?
Keep being yourself. You don’t have to give up your passions and interests just because you are a mother. You must find time to do what you love: reading, writing, playing sports – make these things a priority and find a way to incorporate them into your day-to-day life. Very easy to talk, right? As if after motherhood, there was time to do everything we like, But the important thing is to have this as a goal. Even if you cannotthoughts as often as you used to, just worrying about your own needs will make you a happier person, and consequently, you will exercise your role as a better mother. We already talked about it in another post here on the blog.
Don’t be a martyr. Your kids didn’t ask you to sacrifice that much. They don’t need it, and they don’t want to pay the price of being raised by a suffering mother. Do you need time alone? Let the children watch some television and go and read a book. Do you need to live with adults? Leave them with the father one night and go to dinner with a friend. Getting to the stage where you are fatally tired is not suitable for you or your children.
Don’t try to be perfect. That holds for life in general and holds for motherhood. With so many unforeseen events, it is impossible for everything always to go the way you planned, so relax a little. Accept that sometimes the house will be messy, that you will have to eat ready-made food eventually, and that the children will have to take care of themselves to recharge their batteries.
Get rid of the guilt. Guilt is one of the most common side effects of motherhood and does not help at all: it is a waste of time and energy. When you make a decision, be it big or small, avoid dwelling on the decision made. Nobody is perfect. You are not perfect, and you will undoubtedly make mistakes. If you love your children and take care of their basic needs, they will be fine. Oh really.
Be patient. Raising children takes a lot of work. They ask a thousand questions, make the biggest mess, and need you all the time. Of course, you will lose patience from time to time, but most of the time, take a deep breath. Look at them to see what they are: innocent little creatures that need your protection.
Listen to the children. But listen. We tend to believe that we know more than our children – which is often true. But we end up ignoring what they are saying to act as if the solution to all problems was on our boards. A few months ago, my eight-year-old daughter told me that she was having issues with some schoolmates. I immediately started pouring advice on her. She was disappointed. I didn’t want help; I just wanted to be able to speak and be heard.
Be the mother of your children, not the “little friend.” Set limits. Our parents and grandparents had no problem imposing restrictions. Parents were parents; children were children. And parents were to be obeyed. Today, families are democracies. We negotiate, convince the other to the contrary, and listen to everyone’s opinion. And although this is super cool, children need us to continue to play our roles as father and mother and to impose limits when necessary. We must listen to them and respect their opinions, but we are not peers; we are not their “buddies.”
When I was a child and fought with my mother, I always threatened her with this: “Then I won’t be your friend anymore!”. She replied with all the calm in the world: “Okay, because you are not my friend. You are my daughter.” I was crazy about my mom, but she was right.
Preach simplicity. You will be doing your children a big favor if you teach them from an early age that happiness has nothing to do with the accumulation of material things. The younger they are, the more likely they are to listen, so get started as soon as possible. Here at home, we sometimes promote a “cleaning” to throw away things that we are not using, and the girls always participate. In those moments, we realize how we accumulate a lot of things that we don’t need. We also don’t go out to buy, as well as sports. The girls know that buying is necessary, but it is when real people need something and not as recreation. We take books from the library instead of buying and try to reuse things as much as possible. We are proud of our house free of junk and useless objects.
Do not put too much pressure on children. I have created to conquer the world. And I can assure you that it doesn’t lead to happiness. Of course, I want my children to be successful. I want them to reach their maximum potential and have financial security in the future. But I am trying not to stress you too much about success in school and extracurricular activities.